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I'm so Sorry For the Wait Cesar

It’s been a while Willow tree. A while since I've written anything at all. I've been far too caught up with other things. Concerns like school, improvement of art skill, music discovery (thank goodness for low fi electronic music) and putting up with my incredibly religious guardians. There is a lot to avoid with them. I have to avoid offending their beliefs or suggestions, rude behavior, sitting with my legs open, eating icky fabricated food, murdering people through an online avatar. My parents try to make me avoid all these things and countless more, but I personally believe that parents can’t control their child’s personal beliefs beyond age eleven. They become exposed to sexual revolution. Foreign films. Different branches of religion or lack thereof and habits of friends/fictional characters. They become influenced and aware of the inexhaustible variety of life and strive to become a productive member of society. At least, if you raise them with some degree of that virtue.
Let's just pretend that one day has passed between my last entry and this one. I don't even want to glance at any of my previous entries at this point. They're probably pretty embarrassing or show a lack of depth. It's too many old concerns tangled up in the loom of even older entries. Though much has changed over those months. I still retain a pretty good deal of who I was during the summer. I believe the only thing that's changed is my independency, knowledge of media manipulation and the size of my music library. Lisannette still gets pissed that I blow all my cash on iTunes cards but that's quite  alright. I'd rather spend my money on full albums rather than food anyways. A peculiar habit I've developed is a lack of hunger. I simply feel a physical emptiness inside of me. Certainly someone would say, "oh man I'm so hungry" if one hasn't ate for the past nine hours and the lining of one's stomach began digesting itself. However my experience with hunger is more of a, "something is missing inside my abdomen area but this is not necessarily categorized as hunger" kind of feeling. It's rather ridiculous how I can go over 15 hours without so much as a glass of water or food and not be very hungry or thirsty at all. If anything my frugality with food is terrifying. One day I'll forget that eating is a thing that is required for humans to remain alive and I'll die in the middle of a classroom. That'll be the way I want to go. Just slumping over in my chair with my eyes rolled in the back of my head. Right in the middle of my Spanish class. Yes that will undoubtedly scare the stuffing right out of the Freshman and spice up things in the class.
In addition, the summer season has also unearthed to me some classic wisdom: time wasted is a complete flipping tragedy. Time lost is knowledge lost, connections lost, money lost, growth lost, achievement lost, production lost, but most importantly it is time lost. What's more valuable than time? That's an easy question to answer. And the answer is: The knowledge that time is just a concept created by humans in order to explain its linearity from our point of view. And it's flipping relative for christ's sake, and does not move in a linear path at all, some people would disagree by perhaps saying,

"Hey buddy get off the pedestal, obviously time is linear for every thing with mass in the universe, because humans can't time travel or slow down time as we know it."

I'd likely respond with,

"Hey there man don't you realize that the entire universe doesn't revolve around seven billion damn humans and that perhaps there are certain things in the known universe called black holes that are capable of warping time and space as we know it."

What I'm saying is, if black holes had personalities. let's say with human-like tendencies, then some random black hole at one point in time is bound to make a rash comment like:

"Hey buddy get off the pedestal, obviously time is an illusion and illogical for every thing with mass because I, a selfish black hole do not perceive time as a human can,"

And If I were a black hole, I'd likely respond with:

"Hey there man don't you realize that the entire universe doesn't revolve around a couple black holes like us and that perhaps there a certain living organisms called humans that are capable of viewing time as something completely linear."

I'm not sure where I was going with this argument. I think I was just trying to prove that sometimes black holes could be assholes ignorant if given human-like personalities.
I have to do a great deal of homework to finish, I'm closing up this entry now, see you later Willow Tree. I'll be back soon. And this time without a hiatus.

Recent Life

      I am most definitely not in the mood for making a silly little family tree for Upward Bound by Tuesday! Thus I thought I would write an entry to embrace my terrible habit of procrastination. I think I'll include my cats in the project at one point, yes, that would be suitable. Who wouldn't include their closest pets in a family tree? 
      A while back I borrowed a bowl (yes they were literally contained in a big bowl) of old comics from the 70's from one of my buddies Paige. They were very entertaining actually, despite me jumping into various scenarios every issue I got the grasp of all the stories quite well. I believe my favorite was this one comic from 1992 called Slapstick It's about a guy named Steve Harmon who accidentally walks into a portal disguised as a mirror and is transformed into a very cartoony character named, well Slapstick. It's very fun and I found it clever how Slapstick always managed to find his way out of things verbally. I also found the cartoony look of the art amusing. But I believe the main reason as to why I fancied those two comics were because they referenced a lot of other characters from the Marvel universe.
      I'm pretty sure I'll never finish reading Homestuck. I am scarcely at the beginning of Act 4 in the unfinished work by Andrew Hussie that has already amounted to over 7000 Ms. Paint/Photoshop crafted pages! And I am very, very far away from nearing the end of this grand comic. I gotta say, I am very impressed by Hussies' choice of words, very impressed. I don't know why but when any writer uses impressive prose or description I say this in my head: "These words make Tom Heehler question his own sanity." (Tom Heehler is the author of The Well Spoken Thesaurus for those of you who don't know) I tend to say this far too often and it's driving me mad. Any who, right now I am on the part where Rose Lalonde discovers the Land of Light and Rain. It's pretty exciting actually, though I'm not particularly sure how she ended up there in the first place, it's been a while since I've actually read the comic. It's also very fast paced now because, well I saw John Egbert go through the first gate into the land of Wind and Shade, which looks a degree sinister, the Land of Wind and Shade seems rather dark and gloomy and just over-all creepy, perhaps it's due to the salamanders that reside there. By writing this you can clearly tell I'm not far into the comic. Okay, I think I'll go read a bit of Homestuck right now.

It Appears I Have Returned

    Well well, it appears I haven't posted in quite  a few months. This has happened to me twice now, failing to write regularly in a journal. Forgive me Willow Tree. Despite the fact that you're entirely composed of data, you mean so much more to me than a mere arrangement of information. I would like to thank Cesar for drawing me back to Livejournal. He said I haven't posted in a while and that he was looking forward for a new post. I was a bit sad that that I haven't written in such a belated time and I felt a rather depressed for the rest of that day. I felt as if I didn't just fail myself, but others. Such as the very few people who even bothered to read this journal regularly. Okay, well I inevitably must make a few updates! In bullet form of course.
• I have grown a very strong bond with the cat that Tonie (not Brenda o_o) has permitted me to keep. It's a calico cat named Edith. I named her after Edith Wharton, one of my most highly bestowed authors. I feel as if she is the reincarnation of my dearly departed Gary, primarily because  she never stops meowing at the birds out the window and she meows constantly just like Gary.
• Ah yes, I have started my sophomore year at Lower Lake High School, which is hands down the most ghetto school I have ever encountered in California
• I have been on a journey to become a great painter and comic book collector
• I Have been converted into a near complete sociopath 
• My writing skills have deteriorated like goth cakes
• My love for Neutral Milk Hotel has grown tenfold 
         So Halloween's just around the corner and I may get a Wolverine costume from Party City. Yes I know. My parents are hardcore Christians and they would never approve of me purchasing a Wolverine costume. Or any costume for that matter. So I'm going to pay James (the owner of Solo Comics) to order it for me. I'm a huge fan of Wolverine, I've got at least 30 Wolverine comics and two graphic novels. It's great because Mac (one of our teachers for Upward Bound) is a devoted fan as well, and he's considering letting me borrow a box of old Wolverine comics! I told him that would delight me to a "friggen unfathomable extent" and I would appreciate it for more than a lifetime. To me, Mac is like the Wolverine of our world. He has a slightly dark yet comical personality, almost as if he's hiding a secret that he envelopes with humor and sarcasm. I don't know, it's a bit confusing. I really should have taken that personality theories class over the summer. And much like Logan, Mac has extensive knowledge about alcoholic beverages and worldly issues. In fact, Mac told me that he likes Wolverine because he relates to him abundantly. Though I didn't ask how exactly he related to Wolverine, I can more or less tell by his behavior alone.
        I don't have to much to say for now, at the moment my mind is like a blank canvas and I don't have anything to state. I simply wanted to type an entry to remind myself and others that I'm still alive. I currently feel accomplished. 

Cheers To A Loss of Trust

      I'm not entirely sure why I even put my trust in her hands in the first place. You may recall how I told you that Brenda would be setting me up with a new kitty to replace Gary? Well let's rewind approximately four days back. I was reading Les Mis (yes I'm still reading it after what seems like five months) when I remembered that she was giving away two kittens she found in a landfill. I wanted something, something living and breathing to fill up that hole that Gary had left in my memory. So I was going to call my parents from work to see if I could get one.
      After much convincing and persuading they reluctantly agreed. But who cares, I'm getting a cat! So I texted Brenda on Thursday inquiring of which colors were they, their gender etc. etc. I decided to get the little ginger kitty because I've always wanted one of that color. She proceeded in sending me a photo and it was adorable, with those deep blue yes that could swallow an acre's worth of water! Man you should ave seen it. It looked like the reborn Jesus in cat form. And to fathom that this cat would soon be living and breathing in our house! I had already scratched some names down in a notebook, all of them names of famous authors/artists. I was mainly relying on Chomsky, Victor, or Edith. But I was not entirely concerned with the name at the time.
      Brenda stated that if there were no takers for the other kitten, that she would put them back in the landfill. Honestly a landfill? I asked why  she didn't just put them in the pound where they would surely be taken care of. But she replied a whole our later with:
      That peeved me off a bit. But I wouldn't fret much because I knew well one of them would get a great loving home with us.
      Fast forward to yesterday morning. I put my hair up in a neat bun and slipped on a pair of decent jeans. I was ecstatic to retrieve the kitten on foot. Of course, I didn't have the disrespect to walk up to her house and snatch the cat from it's temporary home. So I texted Brenda to warn her that I was coming today. Here's how the convo went:

Me: hey Brenda I'm coming to get the kitty today C:
Brenda: oh we put them back
      I thought she was just joking with me, but I could feel that evident hint of truth. So I replied:
Me: haha I'll be there at 12:00
      And that's when my mind split in two.
Brenda: no rly we put them back in the landfill I'm sorry
      I was just. Baffled. I could not believe she didn't tell me this earlier. My daydreams of owning an adorable orange kitty were stepped on,stabbed, salted and then drenched in topical alcohol that burned with the foggy emotion of anger. Why didn't she warn me? Why the heck didn't she call me before they dumped them back in a a giant pile of garbage! Might as well toss them in a wood chipper for all I care! Brenda's angered me quite a bit of times as seen in some of my past entries, but practically giving away the life of two kittens for no evident reason, and under the circumstances that one of them technically belonged to me! Jeez. I don't ever want to put up with any of her arguments with Jared. Not anymore.
      I texted back with the inquiry of which landfill she put the kittens in, I was planning to save them and be the hero of the day. But alas, she never texted back, out of pure sympathy or in regard of God-knows what. but I sat on the edge of the couch, eyeballing the kitty kibble I purchased two days prior. I wished to toss it off the roof in a it of anger. But that would be foolish and wasteful, so instead I carried that bag to the vet and donated it. And in return the receptionist gave me a discount on my other cat, Sibella's next checkup. I guess I'll just remain with her for the moment.

Diminutive Art Update

      I'm feeling like updating what I'm working on. Such as this.

      This is the Horse Drawn Cabs I've been working on for about, three months now...
      Yes I know I'm lagging like crazy but I'll definitely be making some progress today.


      I AM SO GLAD I CAN FINALLY WRITE AGAIN. The primary excuse I have for my month long absence is that I recently took on two new hobbies and I've been trying to improve my grades. Well one hobby you already know, painting and "sponsoring" paintings for this guy who's been recently living in our shed with us (his name's Homer, he's going to make me paint a dancing lady, I'm not to well acquainted with the details yet) And then theres this mystery of a hobby that hopped out of the blue two weeks ago.
      Around the whereabouts of three weeks prior, my mom drove me home because I missed the bus. She works three blocks away from the school. Considering how I've never driven home with my mother from work,  she took a route that I've never seen before. And we drove through the main road. Now there was this building across the four way intersection called Solo Comics. I've been interested in purchasing comics for a while now. Thanks to The Mindhut.com. But I have never fathomed of going through the labor of actually purchasing one. To speak truly I was excited about going there the following day. I had ten dollars in my wallet and    I was planning to get a Batman comic or a Sweet Tooth comic. And when I entered the succeeding day I was blown away by the awesome immensity of beauty I witnessed upon entering this marvelous cave of awesome.
      I saw comic books stacked on walls, on shelves, tables, stands, you name it there was comic books on it. Anime and superhero posters enveloped the walls, and other superhero memorabilia hung on copper and brass hooks. It was just oh my God I cannot fathom nor explain how beautiful it all was to me. 
      Any who, this big hulking guy with a sweet smile turns around from his lawn chair and says "hello!" in this big cheery voice. I can understand why he spoke like that, I mean, if I was an employee in a comic book store I would be speaking with profound joy all the friggen time! I replied with an enthusiastic hello that surprised even me, take into consideration that I scarcely use an enthusiastic tone with strangers. He told me to feel free to look around and if I had any questions to simply ask him. 
      Where to start? That was my primary inquiry when I looked at the walls. I then remembered that Scott Snyder and Greg Capullo had been writing a new series of Batman to add to the New 52 DC comic line that made it's debut in September. Well, I began my quest to find that and to my complete surprise I found it in  an instant. They didn't have the first issue in stock, so I purchased issues two, three, and four. I felt very contempt walking out of that store. A specific definition of what I felt that day escapes me, but I bought my first comic book that day and I felt like a friggen champion. I suspect another subtle reason as to why I made that purchase that day was to improve my superhero angles and to improve my anatomy skills by studying the people in the panels.
        Well me and the jolly man are pretty good friends now. Turns out he owns the Gamestop adjacent to Solo Comics. His name is James and the way he twists and turns any bad situation into a good one is remarkable. Like when his stuff came in late one day because merchandise was stolen out of the truck, he just pat the delivery guy on the back and told him not to worry, and that he hopes those thieves enjoyed their free comics/graphic novels. But I see why he's instilled with such joy. It's because he owns a comic book store for God's sake. If I owned a comic book store and a Gamestop I would be in a lawn chair with tears of joy! He has every reason to be happy.
      And I believe I forgot to mention, today was the last day of school and I'm free as a pigeon to write, paint, and read all summer long. Perhaps I want to be a housewife for those sole activities. Boy that'll be the day... There isn't a good portion of events to write about during the last day of school. Except for the fact that I checked out ten books over the summer. Well, Willow Tree you're already far too aware that I don't have many friends, so I can't write much about people anymore. Sometimes I fear I'll become some solitary cat lady all alone with her paint and poetry. I need more friends. No I don't, I have my cat. Dear lord what is wrong with me? Oh yes and recently my cat Gary passed away. I wrote an entry concerning this but I don't want to go into detail. So here's the last sketch I ever made of her before her passing.
      It's not that great but I made this in twenty minutes and she shifted a lot in her sleep. This is my most highly regarded sketch by virtue of the sentimental value I have towards it.
      Too bad I'll be granted but one week of freedom. I have to take college classes over summer for Upward Bound. Shannon says that it's a very difficult class that concerns an abundance of math. If you knew me well you would know I suck at math and anything related to it. Damn. I'll forever regret choosing Astronomy. Well I'll post much more often since it's summer vacation. t was a good freshman year. A solitary, but good freshman year.


          Earlier today I walked outside. Alone. I took a gander at the tree that stands firmly near the sidewalk, and I eagerly climbed it. I sat upon a branch and watched a bird fly briskly onto the pavement. It was a shifty one. A stressed bird that appeared to be balding. My cat Gary saw the bird bounce from the corner of those sensitive cat eyes. Eyes that saw all movement  and eyes that almost reached the priveledge being named sacred. Yes. My cat witnessed that shifty bird scour the floor for food. I watched Gary coil up on the fence. I was a spectator. I  leaned my head softly on the trunk. At this lofty height I felt slightly lightheaded and I squinched often. I rolled my eyes over the bird, then my cat, then I heard a soft buzz emanating from my neighbor's abandoned summer house. That buzz was short lived and it dissapeared from my ears as easily as it came in. But that buzz bothered me. A powerful nuisance I could not bear any longer. But of course I innevitably had to release myself from the grasp of these branches carefully! Or else I would suffer a fate worse than any other. The fate of dying in vain. I completely erased the thought of Gary hunting and I slid off those branches like seabuiscuts. I landed with a thud that sent that bird flying God-knows-where and I followed the buzz that resumed it's hideous melody. I glanced at the direction of the noise and found myself squinching at our sun splashed shed. It was a nice morning. A moring in which a soldier could die with the reassursance that some things in this life never fail to come. Such as this yellow sun I witnessed on this divine morning. So then BOOM I saw the corner of our neighbor's house completly engulfed in bumblebees.
      Yup. It appears I have a bee problem.


Writer's Block: Suits or Shorts

      I guess you could say the clothes I sport reflect my personality. I'm quiet, passive, solitary, and love reading classics. I often wear this black coat that comes to my knees. It makes me feel a degree sinister, much like Inspector Javert from Les Miserables. My foot appearal often consists of a pair of moccasins or even Oxfords. I relish shopping in thrift stores as they remind me of my mother before she was converted to a Christian. I speculate that would classify me as a "hipster" but I think they sell very favorable clothes there.

Writer's Block: Ain't Easy Being Green

To speak truly, I was never all too awares of this environment. I presume I regret that now. Just take a glance out a city window and you'll witness the grey and dirty atmosphere we thrive in. I beleive that animals are far more wise than humans, taking only what they need or saving things for tomorrow, while in contrast we take from all without skipping a beat. And one fateful year we will bring the animals down with us. And thus bring the downfall of us all.

Apr. 11th, 2012

    Hello there Willow Tree. As of right now, I'm sitting in a college library. By the way I'm going to change the word college to blue every time it appears in my writing. Well this week my sister decided to celebrate my birthday in Rhonert Park even though it's not. My birthday's on April 28 and considering how I have spring break this week I thought,
  "Why the heck not?"
  And I called Lisannette this last night,
  "Hey Lis! Guess what? I'm going to
college with you tomorrow! Since it's spring break and I'll never have this chance again until next year, LET'S CELEBRATE MY BIRTHDAY TODAY!!"
  And so I hung up abruptly.
  And that's how I ended up waist deep in boredom all alone in a yawning college library.
  Though I do relish the concept of the architecture here...